So who do you consider a “friend”?

Many folks have hundreds of Facebook “friends” with whom they chat or interact from time to time. Others are members of online groups or Google+ circles or other types of communities. But how well do we know these people? Are they real friends, or just folks with whom we’ve connected because of similar likes or tastes?

Of course, many online communities have created and fostered close bonds of friendship. Breast cancer survivors, military spouses, homeschoolers, even gun enthusiasts have groups on Facebook or other platforms. These groups can fill a critical need – particularly for those going through a very rough time or some life-changing circumstance. But if this isn’t your personal experience, who would you consider a “friend” at this point in your life?

In my line of work, I have spoken with many young people who have experienced a profound loss in their lives. Most often, the first word they received was via social media or text message. As they processed that loss, those same venues provided a measure of support and comfort, particularly from long distance. While this is a welcome development – and better than nothing – it does pale in comparison to an actual hug from family or friends. (To this point, research has shown that there is healing power in a simple hug.)

At the risk of sounding like a Luddite (which would be ironic considering this is a blog post), I would suggest that many have substituted being “friends” on Facebook or similar platforms for actual, in-person friendships. People are increasingly living their lives and relationships online, documenting the ups-and-downs of their lives via 140-character tweets, Photoshopped pictures, or Internet memes. While we are more connected than before (”quantity time”), the substance of our connections grows more and more superficial (”quality time”)… and less satisfying.

Could it be that, as we rely more on online communities and web friendships, we have chosen to pursue those in-person relationships that only need periodic text-based conversations? Is it possible that we have opted for many “connections” which don’t consume a lot of time over a few high-quality relationships that grow best when we invest ourselves in them?

How are things in your life? Who would you consider a true friend at this point? Your own experience may be quite different from what I’ve described here, and you have found great fulfillment – and dear friends – in the online communities to which you belong. If that is the case, then congratulations, you are ahead of the curve.

But if you have found yourself with more “likes” than friendships, and far more “followers” than friends, perhaps this is a good time to make a change. You may not tweet or upload to Instagram as often, but you might discover something much more valuable.

What do you think? Agree? Disagree? How would you define a “friend” in your experience? Let me know in the comments below or on Facebook.