Last time, we looked at how different people face and deal with loss in their lives. In my years as a counselor, I’ve found that we tend to fit into one of two groups of people: those who have difficulty overcoming or “bouncing back” from life’s adversities, and those who are more resilient.

While we all go through challenges and difficulties in life, some issues have a much larger impact than others, of course. The loss of a parent, a painful divorce, or an unexpected career downturn can easily – and understandably – throw our personal lives into disarray. The degree to which we are personally resilient determines the impact on our lives, both in the short and long-term.

Beliefs of the Mentally Strong

According to author and licensed clinical social worker Amy Morin, resilient people are those who are “mentally strong,” as she calls them. These folks have 13 basic habits that shape their outlook on life in many positive ways.

I would also suggest that they also contribute greatly to what I call “Knowledgeable Optimism.” This becomes especially important when we begin to look at the challenges of parenting, particularly with some of the everyday and (sometimes) significant losses we experience in our journey as parents.

Don’t worry…we’ll discuss “Knowledgeable Optimism,” or “K.O.,” when we look at what it means to be a “K.O.A.L.A. Parent” later. (How’s that for a teaser?)

The “Baker’s Dozen”

Morin outlines the habits of the mentally strong in her best-selling book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. She lists those thirteen habits as:

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power
3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change
4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control
5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks
7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over
9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success
10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure
11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time
12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything
13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

Over the next few weeks, we’ll take a look at how each of these thirteen habits can be useful for parents. We won’t re-hash Morin’s book, but use the habits as starting points for our discussion. (Later on, we’ll also talk about how these habits can help us in our journey to becoming “K.O.A.L.A. Parents” as well.)

One caveat as we begin: while I will refer to Morin’s “13 Habits”, the conclusions and anecdotes will be my own. For a more in-depth look at the habits themselves, I highly recommend her book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. It was quite a blessing to me as I read it; I’m sure it will be the same for you.

As we move through the list, I invite you to share your own insights and anecdotes, as we explore how we can all become more “mentally strong” parents. Comment here on the site, or join the discussion on Facebook.

And now, let’s begin.

Next time: Habit #1 – “They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves.”