As we discussed previously, resilient (or “mentally strong”) people have 13 habits in common. But does that really apply to us as parents (or future parents)? Let’s take a look.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just started off in a bad mood, right when the alarm clock went off? Then, you open the bedroom door and hear your kids already fighting over who was supposed to feed the dog/cat. You head downstairs – and step right into your beloved pet’s “gift” from overnight. (Of course, you forgot to put your slippers on!) And things go downhill from there.

On those days, you just want to sit in the bathroom, close the door, and let the kids fend for themselves while you have some “me time.” You wonder what you were thinking when you chose this “parenting thing.”

Right about then, the best thing you can do is to choose to stop feeling sorry for yourself. In other words, cancel the “pity party.”

Tough love?

I know, it’s easier said than done. (Trust me, I’ve been there.) And no, I don’t know exactly what you’re going through. I’d be lying if I said I did.

We’ve all been through difficult times as parents – some far more challenging than others. You may be dealing with a rebellious teen. Or you might be weary from the day-to-day demands of raising a special needs child.

I remember one particularly difficult time my wife and I went through as foster parents. Our first placement was four siblings who had many issues and traumas in their lives. As a result, each child – as well as the group collectively – presented multiple challenges right from the beginning. My wife and I were trained foster parents and professionals, so we tried to do our best to serve and care for these dear ones.

Sadly, personal and collective issues began to overwhelm us. The challenges of providing care for four (very) young children was much more than my wife and I could bear. With heavy hearts, we had to call our social worker and request a different placement for the children.

Less than three weeks before Christmas.

To say we were devastated would be a severe understatement.

We felt terrible for the kids. We grieved the loss of what might have been. We questioned whether we were even meant to be parents.

We definitely felt sorry for ourselves. For months.

But in the midst of that dark time, we discovered a simple truth:

Everyone can decrease their discouragement by choosing thankfulness.

But how? Especially in the midst of such deep pain?

Three Choices That Made The Difference

Here are the three small choices that helped us – and that can help you too:

1. Remember past victories

Even though we had been going through a terrible time, it hadn’t always been that way. Some days had gone well – even during the difficult times of the placement. We hadn’t “done everything wrong”…we did get some things “right.” Those were lessons we could build on.

As hard as things have been for you lately, some things have gone well. You have gotten some “wins” along the way – it just may be a matter of digging a bit deeper to find them.

2. Reflect on future possibilities

Despite how things turned out with our foster placement, no one called and told us, “you’re not cut out for this parenting thing.” Quite the opposite. With only a couple of exceptions, everyone was very supportive and affirming of our dream to still become parents one day. Doors weren’t shut – even though it felt that way for a while. There were possibilities around the corner – something we discovered, to our delight, with another phone call just a few months later.

You may be going through some significant challenges at home right about now. But just because things don’t feel like they’re going well now doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to a life that’s like this forever. The “terrible twos” will end. Teenagers do grow up. Those family therapy appointments will bear fruit.

That son or daughter who thinks they know it all – and that you don’t because you’re so “old” – will sit across the table from you one day. In a moment of clarity, they’ll say, “Hey, Mom (or Dad), I guess you really did know what you were talking about back then.”

The prodigal son can return home. (And when they do, what a party that will be!)

3. Remember it’s OK to ask for help

When everything was said and done, one of the most significant factors in our journey toward healing was the support we received from friends and family. Friends at church, friends at work, family (even from far away.) They surrounded us with love, prayer, and encouragement and walked with us as we grieved and healed.

But none of it would have been possible if we had decided to shut down and stay away from everyone. Granted, it took a little while before we were ready, but we made the conscious decision to invite others in and to accept their support.

It made all the difference in the world.

Your reality may be entirely different. In your family situation, you might not have those folks to whom you can reach out and find support. You may not be working outside the home, or may even be struggling through an extended time of unemployment. You may be thinking, “I’ve got this…I don’t need anyone’s help.”

That might be true, but what if it isn’t?

Far too often, we struggle with life – especially as overwhelmed parents – and go through pain that could have been lessened or avoided if we only chose to reach out. To ask for help. To accept the support of others.

It can make all the difference in the world…for you.

Choosing The Habit of Thankfulness

What it all boils down to (again) is this: We can decrease our discouragement by choosing thankfulness.

• We can be thankful for things that have gone well in the past.
• We can be thankful that things can – and do – get better in time.
• We can be thankful that there are folks who can help us make it through the challenges we’re going through.

Is it easy? No. Creating new habits can be hard. But you can do it.

It comes down to one choice. Today. Right now:

I choose not to feel sorry for myself. I choose…to be thankful.

Then, tomorrow…repeat.

I have a challenge for you. Go and apply these tips over the next seven days. See how things begin to change for the better.

Let me know how the week goes for you. I’d love to read your comments below or on Facebook.

Help a friend while you’re at it by sharing this post 🙂

We’ll continue the conversation next time with Habit #2: “They Don’t Give Away Their Power”